Kicking the plateau in the butt!

I thought nothing could top yesterday, but something has! An unbelievable, marvellous, magical weigh-in this morning, which revealed I now weigh 87 kg! That's a 1.9kg loss from last week, and 16.5kg over all! WHOO HOO!

Those of you who've been reading regularly will know that last Monday I was very depressed about being 88.9 for the third week in a row. But I decided instead of moping around, eating chocolate and living to regret it, I would kick that pesky plateau in the butt! Paulene has an excellent inspirational thought on her journal today (which I have borrowed as my inspiration of the week - thanks Paulene!) which reads: "Unless you start doing something different, you are in for more of the same.” All the advice I received from my wonderful fellow Bloggers carried the same message. I needed to step it up a notch - I needed to challenge myself, I needed to give the body something different, that would make it say to itself "Oh yes, Philippa's trying to lose weight, I forgot!".

And I had such a fun week, challenging myself and setting myself manageable goals. I even managed a treat of Tim Tim icecream and a South Melbourne Market dim sim! These are the changes I made to my eating and exercise last week, which have resulted in my finally lifting the fog:

• Made sure I've eaten a minimum of 20 points per day, to get the metabolism firing on all cylinders;
• Changed some of the meals - I have had a different breakfasts every day, alternating between peanut butter on toast, fruit and yoghurt, or yoghurt and muesli (or yogut and moosli as Kath and Kel say!) - and I have been eating pasta and rice more often;
• Stepped up the challenge factor of my exercise. I have started running - I do a challenging power walk, then run for as long as I can, then walk again, then run again, etc. I have experimented with different yoga and pilates DVDs.

I guess for all of us there comes a point where the weight loss slows right down and the exciting days of when you first started the journey seem very far away. The fact of the matter is, if we are in a bit of a rut with our weight loss, we have to make it challenging again if we want to keep seeing results. We need to keep the body guessing, so it never knows what's coming! The important thing is to keep going, no matter what.

To anyone out there who is experiencing a plateau at the moment, or worse yet is thinking about chucking it in all together - don't despair. I am living proof that things will go your way if you are prepared to get out of the comfort zone, keep going and DON'T GIVE UP!!

I have spent the morning cleaning my house - the floors are swept and washed, the dishes are sparkling clean, the washing is hanging on the line, stiff with the heat, and the fragrance of fresh flowers is in the air. Outside, however, my garden reeks of manure - we've started our organic vegetable patch! Tomorrow on Cup Day we're going to finish it off and get planting! I'm about to relax with some lunch - a pitta bread stuffed with salad and some leftover homemade tabouli, and an ice crush made with frozen pineapple juice, fresh strawberries, fresh mint, and a splash of passionfruit cordial and Multi V juice. I'm one of those cooks who hates to waste anything - my freezer is full of bones, carrot tops, celery leaves for making stock; ice-cube trays with leftover sauces or plunger coffee (great for making iced coffee). Whenever I open a tin of pineapple, I pour the juice into ice cube trays and freeze. Perfect for making icy drinks and smoothies, especially this time of year!

Hope you all have a wonderful week ahead, and many thanks to you all for your support and encouragement throughout last week. It was all worth it!

home alone

Yes, that's right, David's out tonight, so I'm going to have a nice, relaxing evening with the house all to myself. This has been an amazing week for me. I've really pushed myself with my exercise, and I've completely changed my breakfast, lunch and dinner menus. I've made sure I eat at least 20 points a day (have saved a few for my treat tonight!) and have drunk lots of water and herbal tea. It might be my imagination, but I feel smaller and lighter.

On Tuesday, I challenged myself with my first run. Yesterday, I spent the day in the CBD, walking for hours, and having sushi for lunch, which I haven't had for ages. Today, I decided to really challenge myself. There were some DVD's on hold for me at the library. Previously, it had taken me between 40 and 50 minutes to walk there at a moderate pace. I set myself the challenge of walking there in less than 40 minutes, hoping that I'd clock in at half an hour. I loaded up my backpack with the books and videos I had to return and I was off, into the sunshine. I walked briskly, enjoying the fresh air and the sun, and then looked at my watch and realised more than 15 minutes had passed and I was only about half way there! If I wanted to make my goal time of 30 minutes, I was going to have to run at least part of the rest of the way.

So, hoping that I wouldn't collapse in an embarrassing, sweaty heap on the Old Calder, I ran for about two minutes, walked to the next corner, then ran again, then walked, etc. I looked at my watch, I had two minutes left! I ran and ran, and I made it to the library in 30 minutes!! Whoo hoo!! The librarians gave me some funny looks when I went in, panting and red-faced and all, but I didn't care - I ran about a third of the way to the library - with a heavy backpack on! Yay for me!

Got my DVD's, returned the others, rested for five minutes with a drink of water, and then I headed back up the street towards the bus stop. But, I kept going, past the bus stop! I walked all the way home, not too fast, so it took me about 40 minutes to walk home, but I loved it, letting my thoughts wander, admiring beautiful roses in people's gardens. I just enjoyed being active for its own sake, and when I got home, I felt wonderful!

But the best part was, my legs felt like they were ALL MUSCLE! I didn't feel my thighs rubbing together in a painful chafe, I couldn't feel bits of flab flapping away in the breeze. They felt rock solid! I might just keep up this running caper.

Did some work when I got home, went and mailed letters (another 15 minute walk) and then tried out the new Pilates and Yoga DVD's. They are the AM and PM series, which I had never seen before, as I've only done Australian yoga DVD's and videos (these are American). The Pilates one was tough for me, mostly because I have a weak lower back and my neck doesn't tolerate being unsupported for long. I found some of it very difficult, but towards the end I really got into it and enjoyed it. The last few poses were very relaxing and stretched my tried muscles very well. Does anyone else do Pilates? What do you think?

The Yoga one was more familiar territory. Admittedly, I didn't like it as much as Yolanda's Simply Yoga or the Yoga General Class, but it was very relaxing and very simple to do. I felt good after I finished it, but not as much of a high as I've had with the others. But, there's no harm in trying something new, is there?

Now, what lies in store for the remainder of the evening? I am going to make myself a delicious dinner - Chicken Tikka Masala. In keeping with the change of menu challenge, seeing I haven't had this since April. I found a low point ready made Tikka Masala sauce in the WW Supermarket Guide (the Patak's one) and will make it with heaps of vegetables. Then, for afterwards, my delicious treat - Tim Tam icecream. I'm going to put a medium serve into a bowl (not eat it out of the tub like I normally would) and enjoy it. I think I trust myself with icecream again. I won't overdo it.

Right now, I'm about to sink into a beautiful bath with my Avon Pina Colada bubble bath, and a book by Stephanie Dowrick, Free Thinking. I love the bubble bath - it smells so tropical and coconutty. I have a conditioning treatment for my hair and I'm also planning to do a manicure and pedicure with a new manicure set I got for myself yesterday. Have I made you all completely jealous? Sorry, but I might as well enjoy being childless while I can!

Thank you all for your wonderful support this week. After a shaky start on Monday, I'm feeling great - full of positive energy and the belief that I CAN DO THIS, and if I keep up this week's efforts, the sky is the limit.

On a completely unrelated topic, can anyone recommend some low point sausages? (do such things exist?) Wanted to have barbie on the weekend and seeing that I've eaten my shed weight in steak lately, I thought I'd try something else. Will share more of my Girls Night In tomorrow! The bath beckons ...................................

Something I'm proud of

I was never morbidly obese, where I could barely get to the letterbox and back, but I certainly had a lot of issues with food and eating. And still do - they haven't completely gone away. But on Thursday last week, I did something that I don't think I've done in a very very long time. I ate in public. By myself. Not at a restaurant or cafe, just on a bench in the middle of Brunswick Street, Fitzroy.

It might sound a rather odd thing to be proud of, but let me explain. If you've read my first post, which has all the details about how I became the way I was, you'll know that I've had some major issues with food. And a lot of it was tied to self esteem. I was bullied horrifically in primary and high school, and turned to food for comfort. As I grew bigger, my eating habits inspired ridicule in those closest to me, often in public or at family gatherings where other people could hear. I've lost count of how many times I heard:

"Gee Philippa, save some for everyone else!" or "Eat slowly Philippa, don't wolf it down!" or "You're so greedy! How many of those have you had?" or "Got enough there, have you?" or "I don't think you need any more of that." and the list goes on.

For most people, hearing these things said to them would be quite embarrassing - for a very sensitive girl like me, they may as well have dug knives into me. I very rarely said anything back because, stupidly, I was worried about appearing rude, or making a scene! But it really hurt. And because these comments were coming from my own family, it made me think that everyone else must be watching me too, thinking "Gee, she shouldn't be eating that!". Consequently, I became very paranoid, and then it was just a sleigh ride into anorexia. Once I met my husband I mellowed out a lot more, but I would still never eat in public on my own - I would with him , with friends, sometimes alone in a cafe maybe, but not out in the park or on a bench for everyone to see. At lunchtime at uni I'd find an empty classroom, or a quiet grassy area near the science buildings, where I could be alone. In April this year, my aversion to eating alone in public was as strong as ever, heightened by my embarrassment at weighing in at over 100kg.

But on Thursday, I went to Babka's and got the healthiest sounding pie I could get - spinach, cottage cheese and pine nut. I'd only had an apple in the car at 8.30 that morning, and it was about 3pm at that stage, so I was bloody starving! I wandered up Fitzroy Street in the light drizzle, wondering where I could go to eat it. I found a park bench opposite the Scanlan and Theodore outlet, and sat down and savoured every bite. There were people around, but I didn't care. I was hungry!

It didn't hit me right there and then, but I have finally realised that it was stupid to be ashamed of eating in public, because (1) we all have to eat and (2) people have got better things to do than check out what I'm doing! And if they are looking, they are people I don't know and will never see again, so who cares?

You may think I'm a fruit loop, but I believe emotional barriers are as real and as difficult to hurdle through as physical ones. I feel proud that I'm finally "over" this. But if I hadn't lost the weight I have, I don't know if I would be.

Losing weight really does shift your perspective on things, because not only are you trying to become healthier, but you're taking control of your life. You realise what is important, what really matters in life. I've still got my emotional baggage, as does everyone. But as we grow more confident in ourselves, we can cast off some of the shackles that used to weigh us down, that used to cloud our sense of self - the belief that we look hideous; that other people must be laughing at us because of our size; that the snooty sales girl in the fancy boutique might be thinking "there's nothing that will fit her in here" as we walk into the shop; that the tears prickling your eyes as you struggle with a size 18 pair of jeans in the changing room will start streaming down your face, and you don't want to be known forever as "the fat girl who cried in Jeans West". These memories are painful, yes, but we can move on from them, and measure our self worth by our new achievements, the way we feel about ourselves now.

So, I ask you, what have you recently been able to do that you couldn't before - or hadn't done for a very long time? It might be working up the courage to go to a PUMP class or to go swimming, to go into a "skinny girl" store and try on clothes, being able to jog for five minutes continuously, being able to eat an icecream in public without feeling self conscious. Whatever it is, write it down, and celebrate what you've achieved! On this journey, some days are hard, and you wonder what is the point of it all. But the days when you realise how far you've come, and you realise that you are no longer the person you used to be, make it all worthwhile.

the first run

With the advice of my lovely blogger friends in mind, I started the day feeling positive and full of energy. I have a plan now, I'm on the road to success!

I had a different breakfast today - light peanut butter on toast and Multi V juice - then did a bit of housework, and I was ready to hit the pavement. I decided I would try and jog a lap of the track near the creek.

First of all, I should say that I'm not a runner and never really have been. I've always preferred walking. I would like to be a runner - I often see women jogging away along the street, or in a park, and it all looks so elegant and effortless. Whenever I run, I become a red-faced, sweaty mess who struggles for breath. I want that to change!

So, back to my run this morning. I did a fast-paced power walk to the end of the avenue to warm up, and then broke into a jog once I reached the park. It felt good at first! The breath was coming fast but it still felt natural. I felt focused, only looking at the path ahead of me. But then things started to ache, and my breathing became more intense. I could feel sweat dripping down my face. I looked at my watch. I'd only been running for two and a half minutes! I wanted to do at least five minutes continuously before stopping for a rest. So I kept on, even though I felt like I wanted to die! Finally 10.24 appeared on my watch and I could walk for a while.

Then it started to rain! So I started running again, this time for two minutes, then a break, then another two minutes, then another break. The rain felt wonderful on my hot, sweaty face!

During the walking breaks, I tried to psych myself up. I told myself that I was doing this because I need to challenge myself, that the weight is never going to come off if I don't work hard, that I just need to try my best and it will get easier. And you know what - it worked! I kept going, even though it was killing me! I was planning to make it about half an hour, but the rain was becoming heavy, so I headed back. When I got home, it had been just over 20 minutes all up - running and power walking. I was exhausted! I drank some water and, remembering Kathryn's excellent advice from yesterday, kept walking around, marching up and down the hallway, into the bathroom and bedrooms. Once the heart rate went down, I started to feel pretty darn good! I felt very sore though, so did an hour of yoga afterwards. Then I hopped into the shower, and came out feeling wonderful.

So, my first run is done. I feel good about doing it - I achieved my goal of running for at least five minutes continuously, and then did a kind of interval training by alternating between power walking and jogging. That's probably what I'll do for a while until I become better at running. Right now, the possibility of me running for 20 minutes continuously is about zero! It's embarrassing how quickly I get out of breath. It really makes me wonder why my body copes very well with other types of high intensity exercise (such as aerobics and dancing), but not with running. The mysteries of the human body! I'd be interested to hear from you, if you run, about how you first got started with running, and how you built up to your current routine. Any hints or tips?

Hope you're all having a lovely day :)

why didn't i lose anything this week?! aargh!!

Well, after my hopeful little post last night and my mammoth effort last week - tracking, exercising every day without fail - I'm sad to report that the scales were not nice to me this morning. I was exactly the same - 88.9.

I got on again, thinking they might have been wrong (oh, the hope of youth), but no. I called David in to check, and he confirmed that 88.9 was in fact what I was seeing. I lost it. I've been 88.9 for three frigging weeks! I've been so good! Why won't it come off?

I ranted and seethed, telling David I was going to go down to Safeway to buy 20 blocks of chocolate.

"Well, if you do that, next week you'll probably be about 92," he said, calmly spreading his toast. That silenced me. "
You don't really want to do that, do you?"
I shook my head, and started blubbering like a little girl with a sore knee. "I just wanted to lose something this week. I feel like such a failure. I'm sick of being this size. It's taking forever."

And then David said something only a guy would say - "I think you look hot!" That made me smile.

So, people, there you have it. The weigh in is over, and I'm so very, very disappointed that I couldn't report a loss today. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. For the record, this is what I did last week, in terms of exercise and points consumed:

Monday: 18.5 points, 30 mins yoga
Tuesday: 18 points, 30 mins yoga, 55 min brisk walk
Wednesday: 18.5 points, 30 mins yoga
Thursday: 18 points, 30 mins yoga, hours and hours walking around Melbourne and Fitzroy Friday: 18.5 points, 1 hour yoga
Saturday: 19.5 points, 20 mins walk, 2 hours shovelling dirt in the garden (my arms are still aching), 1 hour yoga
Sunday: 14.5 points (yes, I know, bad, but I wasn't hungry), 45 min power walk

How can I improve on that? Am I not eating enough? Am I doing too much yoga? (It might sound obsessive to be doing yoga every day, but I really do love it and look forward to it) Should I be doing more aerobic exercise? Should I change the food I'm eating? I don't really drink alcohol. I haven't had chocolate or ice cream for over a week. I don't know what my body's problem is.

I could just throw in the towel and say, "right, I'm going to just eat whatever I damn well feel like!", go down to Safeway and buy chocolate and icecream, and live to regret it. Or, I can just tell myself that I tried my best, and if I keep doing all the right things eventually those bloody scales will catch up.

And, if I really want to, I can find some positive changes in my size that I've noticed this past week that have nothing to do with the scales. For example, I can fit into Sportsgirl size 16 jeans. Before we left Tassie, my best friend Anne brought round a new pair of Jeans West 16's that she'd just bought for herself as an incentive. I tried them on and they were very tight. These 16's are comfortable - not loose, but comfortable. And, as the lovely Mary reminded me on Saturday, Sportsgirl 16's are probably closer to a 14 in most other shops, so hurray for that! I'm going to dig through the junkyard that is my spare room and see if I can find a measuring tape and do my measurements when David gets home from work tonight. I think I have measurements from last year somewhere to compare them to (I didn't take my measurements back in April, silly).

But in spite of this morning's disappointment, I know that my body is different. My arms and legs are aching from the weekend activity - a more demanding yoga video and digging our new vegetable patch. I'm starting to see definition in my upper body. A lacy camisole that I bought from Jeans West last July (when I weighed about 98kg) is gaping at the sides. My mens size 36 jeans that I bought a month ago are baggy. Something is happening - I just wish the bloody scales would catch up!

Sorry that this is a whingey post, but I can't help but feel incredibly sorry for myself. I was honestly thinking I'd have a loss today, so the disappointment is more potent that usual. Do you have any suggestions how I can improve on last week, or any tips that have helped you get through the plateau period?

I made a deal with myself that if I was good all last week and had a loss, then I'd reward myself with some bubble bath (the Johnson's Baby Bedtime Bath! I love it, it reminds me of my nephew back in Tassie, who I miss dreadfully) and a Venus leg razor. While I'm on Roaccutane I cannot remove hair by waxing, so I've had to go back to shaving. David's getting a bit sick of sharing his razor, I think. I can't decide whether to get the normal one or the new vibrating one. (Has anyone tried them?) I was good all last week, but no loss. So, what should I do? I'm thinking maybe I should save these as an incentive to get through this week. Lord knows it's going to be hard.

Hope you all had a lovely weekend (girls in NZ, hope you're enjoying your day off today!) and thank you for all your support and kindness - you don't know what it means to me. I've had my whinge, now let's move on. I'm going to read some of your blogs now, to inspire me!

Have a great week everyone xo

a sandwich story

I've never really been into sandwiches or salad rolls. As a child, I would only have peanut butter on my sandwiches. And even then, I'd never really eat them. I'd just roll them into balls because the peanut butter would make the bread all soft and pliable like Play Dough. I think my mother knew I wasn't eating them, so in about Grade 5 I started having rice cakes with peanut butter instead of a sandwich, which most of the time I did actually eat.

I lived for Thursdays, lunch order days, when I'd get a meat pie and a chocolate Big M (which I had no trouble eating!)

My sandwich aversion must have been a huge pain in the proverbials for my Mum, with four lunchboxes to fill every morning, but I just didn't like them - the texture and taste of soft, slimy, soggy white sliced bread - and I especially detested some of the fillings like curried egg or any kind of luncheon meat. It also didn't help that some of my classmates had some (at least to my mind) gross fillings like cold baked bean or spaghetti sandwiches! Oh, shudder!

It wasn't as though I disliked bread, like most kids I loved cheese on toast, toasted sandwiches and any kind of burger, with or without salad. But now that I think about it, I think the reason I didn't like sandwiches is because I didn't like sliced bread just as it was, "untoasted", unless it was very fresh (and still don't). This sandwich aversion lasted well into my adulthood. (Just as a side note, I'd be very interested to know if anyone else had or has a similar sandwich aversion - or am I the only one?!).

But things change, and taste buds mature as we grow up. These days I am quite happy to eat a salad roll or sandwich, preferably one I've made myself, and as long as it's made with fresh bread and it doesn't have egg, luncheon meat or raw onion! Some things I will never like, no matter how old I get.

The one I made for my lunch today is one of my very favourite lunches - meatloaf sandwich, made with last night's leftovers. In fact, I like meatloaf sandwich so much the main objective behind having meat loaf for dinner is so I can have a sandwich of the leftovers the next day!

The photo I took also shows the book I got the original meatloaf recipe from. You may recognise it - it's a Weight Watchers cookbook called Family Faves. It came out in 2001 (I don't think it's available any more) and was given to me by David's mother, who used to be a recorder at Weight Watchers meetings. The cookbook is coming apart now, a result of over use, but I've cooked many recipes from it and the one I keep returning to is this meat loaf. I've modified it over time for my own tastes - what follows is how I make it now. If you have the book, the original recipe is on page 36.

Magnificent Meat Loaf
This serves 4 for one meal, or 2 for dinner and enough for 2 lunches the next day. Each serve is two decent slices, at a bargain 5 1/2 points per serve.

You will need:
500g extra lean beef mince
1 onion, grated
1 large carrot, grated
1 cup breadcrumbs (fresh is preferable, but dried is fine)
A few dashes of dried mixed herbs (I use Masterfoods Tuscan Seasoning)
A pinch of allspice
1 egg, lightly beaten
1/4 cup tomato sauce
A few dashes of worcestershire sauce
Salt and pepper (as much as you think it needs)

Preheat the oven to 190 C. Line a small loaf tin with non-stick baking paper.

Place all the ingredients in a large bowl and combine thoroughly. Spoon the mixture into the loaf tin and press down gently. Bake for 1 hour or until browned and starting to shrink away from the sides of the tin.
Let it stand for 5-10 minutes before slicing.

The original recipe served the meat loaf with warmed pasta sauce, but I prefer it with some Diane sauce (made from a packet - 1/2 a point) or some gravy. David likes it with whole grain mustard. Last night, I served this with mashed pumpkin, peas and beans (all point free). Any combination of vegetables that you like would work well.

Sometimes I add half a zucchini (grated) to the mixture. Once, I made it without the egg (I'd started to make it without realising we had no eggs) and it turned out fine! It's one of those things you can alter and adapt to whatever you have handy.

Leftover meatloaf should be put in the fridge overnight. The next day, get two pieces of bread or a roll, spread with low fat mayonnaise and/or whole grain mustard, place heaps of point free salad on top of the bread (I used lettuce, cucumber and tomato) and then either crumble the leftover meatloaf on top, or slice thinly and place on top. Sandwich together.

Yum, yum, yum.

yoghurt and yoga

A title that sums up my day, so far! Weigh in this morning revealed that I stayed the same as last week - 88.9. I'm disappointed but also a bit relieved. I hoed into some ice cream last night, as I was feeling a bit low. Tried to tell myself it was ok, seeing that it was Cadbury's Light Vanilla and Chocolate, but the bloated feeling I had afterwards told me that it was not ok. This has proved to me once and for all that I still cannot cope with having a huge tub of icecream in the house - digging into it, spoonful after spoonful, is all too easy. I'll have to go back to the WW individual tubs. I can't help but think that if I'd only exercised a bit of self control last night it might have reflected on the scales this morning. Oh well, no point moaning, is there?

In spite of that, I had a good weekend. On Saturday, David surprised me by taking me to the new Direct Factory Outlet (DFO) shopping centre that's just opened in Essendon. It was the first Saturday the place had been opened, so it was PACKED. At least I got a good walk from the carpark to the entrance! We spent about 3 hours there - there was so much to see. I ended up buying a nice white shirt from Charlie Brown (size 14!) and some earrings and hairclips. David spent more than me - he got about five shirts and a pair of shoes.

My favourite stores were Diana Ferrari (I love her shoes - they are the only ones that fit my huge clown feet) and Olga Berg, so many beautiful bags! I also tried on a pair of size 14 pants in Fcuk, a store I've always avoided before, knowing nothing would fit me as they only go up to a 14. I managed to get these pants on, and they looked ok! I didn't buy them as they were a tiny bit tight, and it's not really wool trouser weather over here at the moment! But my spirits were buoyed, knowing that what I'm doing is working.

Yesterday, we went for a drive to Caroline Springs - a suburb about 40km out of Melbourne (we're about 25km out). It's a new suburb, and therefore every house out there is pretty much brand new. It's a very well designed town, and has lots of natural features. Some of the streets were a bit Legoland for me, but most of them were lovely. We checked out the shopping centre and then went for a brisk 25 minute walk around the lake. The sun was shining, we could see other people walking their dogs and children playing, and there was a slight breeze from the water. We had a wonderful talk as we walked, and I remember thinking that my life is so different to where I was this time last year. I could never have imagined being here, and being so happy and excited about what lies ahead.

Did half an hour of yoga when I woke up this morning. I have a DVD, Simply Yoga, with an accompanying book. The instructor is Yolanda Pettinato, who apparently runs a studio in St Kilda. I got this DVD and book back in April, just after I'd started Weight Watchers. I've always loved yoga and the spiritual wisdom that it offers - Body Balance was my favourite class when I used to go to Fernwood. The postures on this DVD are very basic, perfect for beginners. I find it so soothing and relaxing. When I end my practice, I feel like the world is a better place. I also feel about 5kg lighter!!! LOL

Something that occurred to me this morning, during the Child's Pose, was how much difference losing this weight has made to my body. When I did the DVD for the first time, I remember not being very flexible, and struggled to breathe during poses like the Child's Pose, where you are bent over with your head on the floor. I couldn't hold postures like the Warrior or the Triangle Pose for very long because my muscles would be fatigued very quickly. Now I can do them easily! Coming back to something like this, where I can compare my progress from the start of my journey to where I am now is most gratifying - I feel like I've really achieved something, in spite of my constant stalling with the figure on the scales.

After yoga, I had a beautiful breakfast in the sunshine out on our deck. I had some Tamar Valley Greek-Style Yoghurt with passionfruit and strawberries and a cup of Apple Blackcurrant Tea. I felt light and wonderful. I never used to be a real yoghurt girl - I liked Fruche and all those similar products, but realised they were more of a dairy snack than yoghurt - but I came round after having some delectable home made yoghurt at a B&B in Longford (in Tasmania's north) in July. It was just divine. From that moment I decided to try and buy yoghurts like that. And yoghurt's so good for you, so I figure I'm doing my body a favour. The yoghurt I buy for my breakfast is Tamar Valley, a Tasmanian company. With the weather getting warmer, yoghurt and fruit is becoming my breakfast of choice. I used to have Tamar Valley Natural Lite yoghurt with maple syrup and strawberries, but now I've discovered this passionfruit one, I reckon that's the way to go. Only thing is, there's only enough for two breakfasts in each tub! I might write to Tamar Valley, imploring them for a 1 litre tub. There's lots of other flavours besides passionfruit - honey, mango, berries......

Now I am off to do my daily walk - I think I might go to Watergardens. Have a great week everyone!

Inspiring Thought

My inspiring thought for this week comes from the great playwright, George Bernard Shaw. I found this on a website over the weekend and thought it summed up how I used to live my life - blaming my circumstances (well basically anything other than myself) for the way things had turned out, for how unsatisfying my life was. It never actually dawned on me that I had the resources and the power to make change come about, if I really wanted to.

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

Sometimes people can genuinely be trapped in a life that they didn't want for reasons beyond their control - but that wasn't me. Yes, I had made choices and had to bear the consequences of them, but a lot of the time I had gone along with things because it was the easy option, or because it was what other people wanted or expected. I tried to tell myself that the things I wanted were so insignificant that it wasn't worth instigating so much change or upsetting people over. But I don't think I really believed it.

I think what this quote is telling us is that if we wait for things to be handed to us on a silver platter, we never get anywhere. If we keep on plodding along, day after day, 30kg overweight or in a job that sucks the life out of us, telling ourselves that there's nothing we can do about it, before we know it, two years will have passed and we'll still be in that same position, lamenting the time lost, time we could have spent living our lives instead of wandering aimlessly through them.

If you aren't happy with your life, you have to find out why. And once you do, take steps to remove the things from your life that are making you unhappy. Do whatever it takes. If you can't find what you're looking for, make it happen yourself. Find a way.

Lately, I feel like I've come out of a coma. I am slowly reclaiming the person I used to be, and always wanted to be.

My circumstances don't dictate who I am anymore. I have changed my life to the point where I am happy with where I am and where I'm going, even though I don't have everything figured out yet. I still have a long way to go with my weight loss journey - some old habits creep back in occasionally, and I have to send them packing, not welcome them with open arms! I've learned that I, and only I, am responsible for the way my life is. It's so easy to blame other people or circumstances - it's a lot harder to take an inventory of your life and take control.

As the saying goes, if you want your life to change, you have to change your life. No more excuses! Live life to the full.

Feel Good Friday

Following the excellent and inspiring example of M and Suzy, here is my contribution to what I have dubbed Feel Good Friday:

I am eager to … discover more about myself and what I want to do with my life; to seize every opportunity that comes my way; to travel and learn more about the world; to meet new people and have adventures.

I doubt myself when … it all seems too hard. Weight loss, starting a new career from scratch, being so far away from my friends and family - some days it all just hits me and the enormity of the changes I've made and what lies ahead seems too much to take in. The negative thoughts know when I'm vulnerable and do everything they can to bring me down. It doesn't help when other people doubt me as well. But if anything this spurs me on to prove them, and myself, wrong.

I feel powerful when … I feel in control of my life and my destiny. When it hits me that I am in the most exciting period of my life, and I can be whatever I want to be.

I'm proud of myself because … I have completely turned my life around in just one year. This time last year, I had a lot of problems and for a long time was too scared to say "No, I'm not happy - I want things to change". But I eventually was brave enough to admit that my life was not working for me and I was not where I wanted to be. Now life is better than ever and I feel excited about the future. Not only that, but I'm in better shape than I've been for a long time - I've finally taken control of my weight and my health, and I have made so many changes to my life that have made me a happier, more positive person and a better wife, friend, sister and daughter.

My 10 favourite things are … my husband, my family, my friends, sitting in a cafe with good coffee and a good book, clear Tasmanian autumn days, fresh flowers, handmade journals, old-fashioned inky pens, my mum's sticky date pudding, libraries.

I am most grateful for … the love of good people in my life.

I can simplify my life by living without … obsessing about the past and wondering how things might have been if only I'd done this or that. Life would also be a lot simpler if I didn't stress about little things, or things I can't control.

I feel my mission in life is to … contribute something meaningful to society, to make a difference in the world. I haven't quite worked out how, but all I know is that for most of my life all I have wanted to do is use my talents and my passions for good in the world, to inspire people.

In my wildest dreams, I … never thought I'd be living in Melbourne. I never thought I'd be brave enough to leave my family, my friends, everything I've ever known. But I did, and I'm glad I did. Life is intoxicating here, I feel a zest for life that was lacking before, and I revel in the joy that the future is mine to plan, not constrained by lack of opportunity.

I believe in myself because … I have learned that if I don't, then I cannot expect others to. You get back what you give out. Yes, there will be tough times, but that's life. I believe that every experience along the way is a test. How much do I really want this? How hard am I prepared to work for it? I can either dream about the way I want my life to be, or I can stand up and be counted, and JUST GO FOR IT.

the race isn't over, you still can win

Here I am, in the City Library, typing away like a mad woman, making the most of my free hour. Enjoyed the tram ride in, and had a delicious breakfast at Mizzy's in Niddrie, where David works. He had an omelette, I had pancakes. Very yummy - and only 5 points all up, including a... you guessed it..... skinny latte!

I checked out a few of my favourite blogs this morning before logging on and I have to say that M's post today really had resonance for me, and one sentence in particular: "Where I am today does not indicate that I am destined to fail." That was just what I needed to hear today. After last week's miserable weigh in (which I thoroughly deserved), I had a very good week and weighed in at 88.9 this morning. I could barely see the figure as my eyes were cloudy with sleep! I was 89.9 last Monday, which indicates a 1kg loss for the week. I have exercised, I have eaten well. But there is still room for improvement. I can't get complacent.

I was a bit disappointed at first, because I was so hoping to be back to 88. The pointer on the scales is still too close to 90 for me to get comfortable. But then, wonderful M with her wise words gives me the enlightenment that I need. I am not destined to fail, just because I have failed so many times before. I will succeed, because I'm not going to give up this time. I've come too far to start giving up now. Heck, I'm wearing a size 12 dress as we speak. Quite a different story six months ago.

I'm sure everyone who is on a weight loss journey would tell you that some days are easier than others, and you just have to keep going, no matter how hard it is. I have found that whenever I'm feeling a bit doubtful or depressed, it really helps to remind myself of everything that I have achieved so far. So, get out a pad and pencil and start writing a list! You'll feel better, I promise. Here's mine:

• I have lost nearly 15kg;
• I have bicep and tricep muscles, instead of flabby grandma arms!;
• My aerobic fitness has improved out of sight - I can jog at a reasonable pace for more than a minute at a time;
• My clothes size has gone from an 18-20 and mens size 40 jeans to a snug 16 and very loose mens size 36 jeans. I can wear size 14 tops (I got a size 14 Esprit shirt that fits well, and their sizes are tiny) and I'm wearing a size 12 wrap around dress as we speak;
• My watch is loose - I can wear it on the second notch now, rather than the first one, which is quite worn out!
• I don't feel deprived or like I am missing out on things. I allow myself to have treats and try not to give myself a hard time if I do indulge. I have accepted that I can't be 100% perfect all the time;
• I can stop at a few squares of chocolate instead of eating the whole block in one sitting!;
• I have learned to say "No" to food that I don't want or need in social situations;
• I enjoy exercise, rather than dreading it, and look for excuses to be active;
• Takeaways are very scarce in my diet. When I am out, I make a conscious effort to have something points friendly. Just because it's on the menu doesn't mean I should have it;
• My skin looks great (primarily thanks to Roaccutane, but also thanks to my healthy lifestyle);
• I drink more water than I used to;
• I feel fantastic!

Wow, I feel much better having written the above list. I have come a long way since ANZAC Day. I want to keep these positive changes for the rest of my life.

Everything you want to achieve is possible - if you just stick with it!

I watched Bathurst yesterday, and I cringed with horror when Marcus Ambrose's car nearly went over the fence! It struck me that the race is very much like our journey with our weight loss - there will be crashes, there will be breakdowns, there will be times when the car won't start and things go wrong. But the thrill of crossing the finish line will more than make up for the dramas along the way. The race isn't over, you can still win.

Hope you all have a marvellous week.

stupid rocky road slice

Today's weigh in was not good. I haven't recorded it on my ticker, but I gained. I stared at the scales in disbelief. Why, why, why, why?! So close to 90 it wasn't funny, like 89.99999999! How depressing. How, how did this happen?

A few reasons, I summised:

1. Less than perfect with my eating over the weekend. Made the terrible mistake of making Rocky Road slice on Friday afternoon. The body was craving chocolate. And I was very mad, so gave in (more about that later).
2. That time of the month. Need I say more?! That might explain the chocolate cravings.
3. Done a lot more exercise than I have been the past month - now that the move is over, I've been going for long walks nearly every day. David also found his Esanda frisbees so we've been playing like children with them in the backyard, which is great exercise, and great fun too. Perhaps its muscle?

Needless to say, I wasn't happy this morning. Went back to bed and sulked for a while, before getting up and having an egg, a few pieces of WW bacon and toast for breakfast. Watched The Simpsons. Groaned at the sight of the washing pile, but powerless to do anything until the new washing machine arrived. Unpacked the study, delighted to see some of my old favourite books again. Sorted through my thousands of articles, poems, rough story drafts and playscripts. Heartache waiting for the postman, hoping he would be bringing the modem today. He zoomed right past me!

I've been desolate without the net at home. I have to either go to Mark and Bel's to use it, or to the library. I didn't feel like going into the city on Friday, so I decided to check out the local library at Keilor. I looked up the way in the street directory before I left, and then set off. It was an overcast afternoon, but warm. It took me 50 minutes at a rather brisk pace to get there. I saw the lovely bright blue sign saying "Keilor Library" and turned up the street with great excitement. And then, walking up to the entrance, realised that the bloody place was closed!! I was sooo mad! I had walked all that way for nothing! (well, at least I got a walk, but not the point!). Thank goodness no one was around, they might have thought I was having a bit of a turn!

I caught the bus back to Taylors Lakes, stopping at the Safeway on the way back for the ingredients for Rocky Road slice. I felt after that marathon effort it was well deserved. It might have been - but unfortunately I picked at it all weekend too. And being in Victoria, I don't have any skinny sisters or brothers-in-law to force leftovers on. It sits in the fridge, looking at me every time I open it. I could just chuck it out, but I hate being wasteful. And it is so delicious. I was pleased though, I only had one piece today. I felt like eating the whole thing!

When David got home at about 5.30, we decided to go for a walk to the supermarket, as we needed to get a few things. It was still light and very pleasant outside. I love going for walks in our new neighbourhood - there are so many pretty houses and gardens to look at. It took us about 15 minutes to get to Watergardens. We filled the trolley, forgetting that we were going to have to carry all of this home! We had bottles of juice and diet cola, a 2kg bag of onions, a 4kg bag of potatoes and a few sundry grocery items. We packed it merrily into our huge Supre and Bunnings recycable bags and made our way back to the main road and down to Taylors Creek, to take the pretty way home.

It was starting to get dark. We barely made it out of the car park before we needed to change the bags to the other shoulders! And we had a good 20 minute journey in front of us!! David said maybe we could wait for the bus - but oh no, silly Skinny Latte Girl said "We'll be right!" We walked with all those groceries all the way back to our house and it took us a good half hour! Our arms were aching! In the end, I carried the bag with all the drinks and David took the potatoes and grocery items. I actually carried it rather than putting it round my shoulders. But, to my utter surprise, we were ok. We made it in one piece, and once we were at No 45 (we are No 27), David broke into a run, yelling "Race you!". We must have looked like loonies, running up the street, our arms full of groceries, huffing and puffing. But afterwards, we felt great. I love the high that vigourous exercise gives you.

But now, a few hours later, the calves and biceps are hurting just a little. Must make sure I do stretches before bed. I'm hoping to have a better day tomorrow, and by that I mean, I'll make healthy choices, do my regular exercise, keep busy and stay positive. Hopefully this gain will have disappeared by next week, if it's for the reasons I think it is. And if it doesn't, then I guess it will do me no harm to get back to basics.

Thanks to all of you for your kind comments and positive feedback. Take care, until next time.