I leafed through the dozens and dozens of handwritten pages last night, remembering the girl who wrote them - I say that because I am not her anymore. I remember how determined she was to lose weight and become the healthy and confident person she was destined to be.
I'm one of these people who is very interested in the miniatuae of life, in the little details, so I love looking back and seeing what sorts of things I used to eat and do in the early days, and further along in the journey. For fun, here's a tracking comparison:
Monday, 25th April 2005 - the first day of my journey Weight: 103.5kg Breakfast: 1/2 cup skim milk (0.5) blended with 1 Diet Raspberry and Peach yoghurt (1), some strawberries (0.5) and some kiwi fruit (0.5); 2 crumpets (2) with 2 tsp honey (0.5) Lunch: 2 satay chicken skewers (4.5) with 1 small potato (1), 1 corn on the cob (0), barbecued capsicum (0), salsa (0) and salad (0) Snack: Carrots (0), snow peas (0) and 10 Trident Rice crackers (2) with salsa (0) Dinner: Pumpkin Soup (1) with 1 corn on the cob (0), I Nestle Diet Trifle (1) Exercise: 20 minutes yoga, 30 minute brisk walk and Tummy Time workout on the WW DVD
Thursday 17th November 2005 - I weighed about 84kg by now Breakfast: Carman's Fruit Muesli (3), Vaalia low fat yoghurt (1.5), a few strawberries (0), 1 glass Berri Multi V Juice (1) Snack: 1 homemade date scone with a bit of jam (2) Lunch: Leftover Chicken and Pumpkin Pie (4.5) with point free vegetables (0) Snack: Iced coffee (1.5), another date scone with jam (2) Dinner: Chilli plum chicken (3.5) with a medium serve of rice (2.5) Exercise: 1 hour yoga, 30 minute brisk walk
Yesterday - Thursday, 22nd June 2006! My last weigh-in was 75.8. I am very bloated at the moment due to TTOM so am not brave enough to get on the scales, but my size 12 jeans still fit very nicely and I bought a size 10 top last week so am not too scared of what they might say, in spite of last weekend's tasting orgy! Breakfast: 1/2 an avocado (2.5) on 2 pieces Sunflower Honey & Oat toast (3), a glass of Smart Juice (1) Snack: 1 mandarin (0.5), 2 small pieces homemade Ovaltine bun (2.5), 1 coffee with skim milk (0.5) and 1/2 a teaspoon of sugar (0.5) [must buy some Equal or something for the office] Lunch: Asian noodle soup (3), lots of water Dinner: Steamed dumplings (6), green vegetables with oyster sauce (1) , noodles (3) [yes, how did you guess, I went to the Shanghai Dumpling House for dinner!] 1 Diet Coke (0). Exercise: Walk from Melb Central to work (about 15 minutes); then brisk walk from work to Collingwood (30 minutes).
An interesting comparison and it really makes me think. My food and exercise hasn't been the best lately! I know that I should be aiming for more fresh fruit and vegetables, and more water. I haven't had a lot of diet soft drink lately - only when I go out really. I've rediscovered coffee, seeing that my office has a proper coffee machine. The coffee they buy is very bitter though, and I find I need sugar with it (I don't normally take sugar in tea and coffee). But I know that I am still doing my best, and I make the healthiest choices that I can make. Sometimes that is all that you can do.
I wrote down a lot of quotes and other ideas to inspire me. It was around May-June last year that I discovered Blogland and was a secret reader of several bloggers, all of whom I now consider dear friends! But what I noticed most of all out of looking at my notebook again was this overwhelming sense of positivity in my words, and in everything that I chose to put in the book. When I wrote down the results of each week's weigh in (and they were normally good results!), I would write things like "I rock!" or "I am awesome!" and draw these silly smiley faces!! I was proud of myself for the first time in my life. I truly felt like I was working towards something really worthwhile for myself, and that there was no going back.
That was made me succeed, I think. Because the realisation had dawned on me that only I could get myself to where I wanted to be, and the buck stopped with me. There was no one else to blame if it didn't work and there was no point doing it if I wasn't going to be honest. I realised that I had the power to turn my life around and become the healthy, fit and confident person that I desperately wanted to be. It all depended on how much I wanted it. I could find a way if I really wanted to.
I'm really glad I have this notebook to look back on, because while I have my old blog entries to re-read and reflect on, this notebook records the very beginning of the journey, it reminds me of where I started. And more importantly, it proves to me that anyone can do this and it doesn't matter where you start or under what circumstances, the vital thing is that you begin and once you do, you keep going and you never, ever look back. There are some bad days recorded in the notebook, where I have put sad faces instead of smiley ones. But I turned the page, and there in huge writing is "NEW DAY = NEW START". That is the key. Every day is a new start.
"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. " - Steve Jobs