danger zone?

Seeing that I'd been talking about food SO much lately, I thought I'd continue the theme that Lucy started and talk about my Top 5 Danger foods, or "Frankenstein Foods" as dear Ash used to call them!

But as I started thinking and writing, I honestly couldn't think of anything to write down. I could think of plenty of delicious things I like that would fall into a "treat" or "every now and then" category and I started writing these down, but then thought to myself, "come on Phil, you honestly could stop after one piece/one scoop/ a handful. You don't like it that much!"

So the list remained empty.

What a revelation. There isn't actually a food that I would consider a "danger", that once I started eating I honestly couldn't stop.

Because it isn't the food that would make me not want to stop. It would be how I was feeling at the time that would keep the hand going in the packet, or the spoon reaching for another mouthful. If I was feeling bored or lonely, no doubt a bag of crisps or a whole tub of coconut yoghurt would be more appealing than usual. But it's the feelings that would make me eat, not the food itself. Very interesting.

But I've also got to admit that those occasions are also a rarity for me. I actually seem to have this under control! These days, I don't let boredom or loneliness or anxiety be my excuse for doing things I know are not in my best interests. First of all, I don't keep things in the house that would tempt me - if I wanted something, I'd have to walk up to ASDA to get it, which makes me think twice about whether I want something or not. And second of all, I know that food doesn't solve my problems. It doesn't get rid of the feeling. It alleviates it for about three minutes. But then I'm holding an empty packet and I'm back to square one.

I honestly can't remember the last time I started eating something and couldn't stop. I have a wonderful relationship with food now. There's no guilt, there's no tension, there's no compulsion to eat the whole lot at once. The thought of eating food that I am not physically hungry for makes me feel ill. If I feel like having something, be it a row of Galaxy with Caramel Hazelnuts (mmm!) or a small chips from the chippie, I will have it, and enjoy it. If I don't think I will enjoy it - either because I'm too full, or because I don't really feel like it that much, then I'll forget about it and either find something else or wait until I am hungry. It's really that simple!

Ash wrote a very illuminating paragraph in a post she did today, and I hope she won't mind me quoting her:

I had a bucket of hot chips today. I really really felt like them. I never really eat chips.. Maybe one or 2 at mums if they get chicken and chips but I usually don't want them- they always seem to get stuck in my throat and are all claggy.. but today I enjoyed them so much. I don't know if I was craving salt or starch but they did the trick. It was so nice to want something like that, and decide to have it and for it to just really hit the spot.. mmmm! I don't really get any cravings these days. My mind rarely dwells on food like it used to. In the old days, I rarely didn't think of food. It was always either thinking about what I should or shouldn't eat or what I had just eaten or wanted to eat. Now I generally think about food when I get hungry and then I see what we have and try to make the best choice with the options available. It's become as un-complicated as that.

Note how positive the experience was, rather than a guilt inducing one.

I really really felt like them.
I enjoyed them so much.
It was so nice to want something like that, and decide to have it and for it to just really hit the spot.

That's what all our food experiences should be like! Putting things into a category where you feel like you should fear them, limit them or avoid them just perpetuates this mindset that if you are overweight you shouldn't be enjoying your food, you should just be eating as little as possible.

Certainly, when I started losing weight there were some things I did have to limit - because let's face it, you won't lose weight if you don't - and there were some things that I just stopped eating all together because I knew that a low fat replacement wouldn't be as satisfying, and it took a long time to be able to have a block of chocolate in the house without the fear that I would demolish the whole lot and then some in one sitting! But mostly I removed these things because psychologically they were ties to the old me, the old ways of coping. I didn't want them, or need them, anymore.

Having been at goal nearly three years now, my feelings about how I eat and what I eat are very similar to what Ash described. I think about food when I'm hungry, and make the best choices with the options available. I eat things I like, and I enjoy them!

I also exercise. A lot. And that makes the food side of things so much easier.

It wasn't always this way though. I used to have a lot of issues with food, which is why I got to 103.5kg in the first place. I'm trying to piece together how I arrived at this place where I'm at right now, because a lot of people ask me about that.

It was very much a gradual thing, but it happened with a lot of effort, and paying attention to things that triggered overeating. It was a time in my life that required a lot of strength, and a lot of tenacity and determination to get to the bottom of things, once and for all. It didn't happen without a lot of effort - I really want to emphasise that. One must be willing to embark upon emotional work that is necessary to address these problems. It's not enough to just want the situation you're in to change - you must be willing to change as well. I had to challenge everything, everything that felt natural to my body and my psyche had to be taken apart and examined. What was making me do this? How could I address the feelings/issues without sabotaging all my hard work? How could I learn a new way of coping?

As crazy as it sounds, a lot of it was learning to talk to myself, in a loving and supportive way about how I was choosing to cope with a situation. A typical conversation in my head would be - I think the only reason you want to eat that chocolate is because you're feeling a bit sad. Why are you feeling sad?

After I'd thought about it and either said it out loud or written it down, then:

What would make you feel better? How about we ring [a friend's name]? That would cheer you up! Or what about that new yoga DVD from the library? Let's put that on!

Before you all think "fruit loop!", it really worked. For most of my life I had been taught to ignore or smother negative feelings. I didn't know how to listen to them and resolve them. I was just taught to make them go away as quickly as possible. Talking to myself like this made me feel listened to, and made me realise that negative feelings weren't something to be ashamed of or feared. They just needed to be acknowledged.

Gradually, I grew to like the healthier me so much and was so proud of myself for setting a goal and sticking to it, that I didn't want to resort to my old ways of coping and living. Sitting on the couch with a 4 litre tub of icecream had no appeal whatsoever. I wanted to keep going. I still had to keep myself in check, but very slowly the new ways I'd taught myself to cope were becoming the automatic response.

As time went on and I reached my goal, food just wasn't a big deal anymore. I had so much more going on in my life to worry about it. It wasn't something I turned to for comfort anymore, or even thought about on a constant basis anymore. It was a way to fuel myself to get through my day, and to be able to perform well on my runs, bike rides and triathlons. It was a fun way to socialise with friends. But that was it. When I opened the fridge, Cheesecake didn't smile and say "hey Phil, how about you and I catch up for a bit..." - in fact, Cheesecake had moved out!

My health is so important to me, both in a physical and mental sense. I eat things that make me feel good. As I said in a previous post, my idea of a treat these days is having white rice instead of brown. I want to put only good things into my body, that will help me run harder and faster, that will give me energy, and that will make me feel great! If I do overindulge, I feel it. My body doesn't operate as well, and I feel sick and queasy if there's too much sugar/fat/preservatives in what I've eaten. It's not worth it!

Having spent the greater portion of my life with a very f*cked up attitude to food, if anyone had told me that I'd be able to get it under control, I would have laughed. But that's true of lots of other wonderful things I have in my life right now - if anyone had told me that I'd be living in London, writing, travelling, and living with a gorgeous man, I would have laughed too. My point is, no matter how hopeless things might feel right now or how far you might be from what you want to achieve, if you're willing to put in the work, make the changes you need to make, and stick to them, come what may, you can get there.

There is no magic wand, there is no all-in-one programme, there is nothing that will do the hard work for you. You have to do it. And you have to be in a place where you are prepared to do whatever it takes. If you need a bit of extra help then see a counsellor or a support group (I cannot recommend that highly enough). No looking back. Your thinking should not be this is what I have to do to lose weight - it should be this is how I live my life now.

As I've said many times, what it all comes down to is you - you either want to do this, or you don’t. If you really want to become a healthier, fitter person, in your heart of hearts, then you will find a way to do it and you’ll stick to the goals you’ve set for yourself. You will stop at nothing to get there. But if you don’t really want to do it, you’ll always find an excuse not to.

Life will never be perfect. But it certainly is so much easier when you decide to make the most of your circumstances, and do whatever it takes to succeed, regardless of the obstacles in the way. It won’t happen by itself – and there will be days when you’ll feel like packing it all in. But it does get easier, with time and effort. Before long, you’ll be doing so well and feeling so good that it will just become a way of life for you. You won’t want to give up.

You’ll have confidence and a glow from regular exercise and healthy eating. You’ll know that you’re in control of your life. Your body will run so much more efficiently because of the good stuff you're feeding it. You’ll feel good about yourself when you wake up every morning.

I think that beats sticky date pudding any day.

Inside of you there is a smart, powerful, dynamic, capable, self-confident, alive, alert, and fabulous being. Whatever fears you may have and what happened to you in the past, does not have any power over you now.
That is unless YOU decide to give your power to these things.
You are the one and only source of power in your life.
- Louise Hay

Resources:

Tony of "I don't want to die of a heart attack when I'm 25" writes a letter to himself which he reads when he's tempted to binge - I think it's a great idea!

It's Not You, It's Me - a break up letter from an emotional eater

Jonathan and his friend Carolyn have wise words on how to stop hugging chocolate

How to develop a healthy relationship with food

Fit and Female: developing a healthy relationship with food

Dietgirl's fabulous article How to beat cravings which deals with how to avoid a binge in the first place by that wonderful P word: planning!