The salad that inspired it all.
I am in London, in February 2010. I pick up the phone and dial a number.
Ring ring. Ring ring.
The phone is answered, somewhere in Hobart, by me, Phil, in February 2005.
2005 Phil: Hello?
Me: Uh....hi! Um, you don't know me...well, you do, but...uh, it's hard to explain.
2005 Phil: I don't mean to be rude but if you're selling something I'm not really interested.
Me: No! No, I'm not selling anything. Don't hang up.
2005 Phil: Hello?
Me: Uh....hi! Um, you don't know me...well, you do, but...uh, it's hard to explain.
2005 Phil: I don't mean to be rude but if you're selling something I'm not really interested.
Me: No! No, I'm not selling anything. Don't hang up.
2005 Phil: (sounds uneasy) OK....
Me: I was just wondering what you had for dinner tonight.
2005 Phil: Is this a survey or something?
Me: Uh, yes. Sort of.
2005 Phil: Well, my husband's out for the evening, so I had stuff that I love, but he doesn't. I had some Latina cheese tortellini. With heaps of parmesan.
Me: Right. Anything else?
2005 Phil: (pauses) And a bag of oven chips.
Me: Any ice cream as well?
2005 Phil: (pauses) Most of a tub of Sara Lee French Vanilla.
Me: Goodness. That's a lot of food for one evening.
2005 Phil: (silent)
Me: Sorry, but it is.
2005 Phil: Well, I did the chips in the oven! It could have been worse, I could have deep fried them! And it's not like I do this all the time - sometimes when I'm home alone I'll have a Lean Cuisine. But there's never enough of it.
Me: And you'd still have ice cream afterwards, right?
2005 Phil: Listen, Mum, if this is your idea of a joke.....I know I need to lose some weight but....
Me: No, it's not Mum. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you something.
2005 Phil: Well, go on then.
Me: Well, tonight you were home by yourself too. And you had salad.
2005 Phil: What the...what do you mean I was home by myself?! I know that! Who the hell are you?!
Me: I'm you. Five years from now.
2005 Phil: (silent)
Me: I just wanted to tell you that things are going to change. I know you're very sad and heartbroken about what you've become. I know you're a bit fed up with your life. I know you want things to change. I want you to know that they will. Because you will do something about it.
2005 Phil is still silent.
Five years from now, you will wear size 10 and 12 clothes. You'll be living in one of the most exciting cities on the planet. You'll have travelled all over the world. You'll have met some amazing people. You'll be writing a novel, and getting things published in magazines. You'll have a great job. And you'll be with the most incredible man you've ever known.
2005 Phil: Sorry? Now I know you have the wrong person! I'm already married.
Me: (uncomfortable) Yeah, well, I'm not going to lie to you Phil. There will be some very tough times over the next five years. Very tough. You will have your heart broken many times. And not just by men. You'll have some hard lessons to learn. There will be times when you will be very lonely, and very frightened. You will grow through it though. You'll survive. You'll get stronger. When you have to fight so hard for your happiness, you won't let it go.
2005 Phil: But.....but I'm ok right now. I don't think...well, I know there's a lot more out there, but I don't think I can....
Me: You don't know the meaning of happiness yet, Phil. But you will. And it will be beyond your wildest dreams. Please believe me.
2005 Phil: So...what should I do now?
Me: You'll do things when you're ready. You'll reach a point where you know you need to start living the life you were born to live. And when that moment comes, you will know, and you won't look back. In a few years you will barely recognise yourself.
2005 Phil: (quietly) Size 10. You don't know what you're talking about. My size 18 jeans are too small now.
Me: This time in a year you'll be wearing size 12.
2005 Phil: Bullshit.
Me: You can do it Phil. If you have the courage to say that enough is enough, and really believe it.
2005 Phil: I'm sorry, what was it you said at the start? You said you were calling to say....you, or I, had a salad?!
Me: Oh, yes. Your fiance is out tonight. He's not a big salad eater, but you love salad. So you made one - you roasted some pumpkin with chilli in the oven, and tossed it with olives, rocket, avocado, sprouts and pinenuts. That's the kind of thing you have for dinner now. Not an oven chip in sight.
2005 Phil: Really? Salad? That's all?
Me: Yes, you were pretty excited about it, actually! Did you ever think you'd see the day when you'd get excited about a salad for dinner?
2005 Phil: Really? Salad? That's all?
Me: Yes, you were pretty excited about it, actually! Did you ever think you'd see the day when you'd get excited about a salad for dinner?
2005 Phil: No, not really. What about chocolate?
Me: Oh yeah, you still have that, you aren't a robot! Green and Black's all the way though.
2005 Phil: (pause) This is so weird.
Me: Just don't be surprised if this time in a year your life is completely different. Don't be scared. It will be the most amazing adventure, if you're brave enough to take the leap.
2005 Phil: (humouring me) Ok lady, whatever you say.
Me: I just wanted you to know how far you've come. I'm proud of you. I don't even really remember you, as you are right now. I just remember how sad you were.
2005 Phil: (pauses) Well, of course I'm sad. I'm wasting my life. I've spent the last three years in a job I hated that I've only just had the guts to leave. I've put on about 40kg since I left uni because every time I'm stressed or unhappy I eat. I have no social life. I don't have any money or freedom to travel or do any of the things I always thought I was going to do. I'm constantly living to other people's agendas. I do what other people want, never what I want. And I'm huge. I'm enormous. I'm too scared to get on the scales. I look about 50. I get out of breath coming up the stairs from the garage.
Me: In 2009, you'll run a half marathon.
2005 Phil: Why do you keep saying these stupid things? I really think you've got the wrong number.
Me: The life you're living isn't your life, Phil. Your real life is out there, waiting for you. And when you realise that, just go for it. You'll never regret it.
The phone call is over.
What would you say to the 2005 you?
This is a fantastic post -- one of my favourites.
ReplyDelete♥
I am so pleased 2005 Phil had the courage and the strength to reach out and become 2010 Phil.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a pleasure for me to have shared in your company during this transformation.
And thanks for introducing me to Koko Black!!
xxx
I would say 'Learn to love yourself. Forgive. Trust. It's good to be aware of flaws, but it's different when you become your own worst critic. It will start you on your downward spiral.'
ReplyDelete:*(
Oh, if I knew then the things that I know now... *sigh*
Hi Phil,
ReplyDeleteI haven't left a message in ages but really felt compelled to after reading this post. It brought tears to my eyes as it really cut close to some issues I'm dealing with at the moment.
What a wonderful piece of writing! You are living a life you once could not even dream for yourself and seem so very happy! To take that first step and end up where you are is inspirational for anyone wanting to change their circumstances in a positive way.
So many people dream about living differently yet there are so many mental blockages we need to circumvent to get on that path towards our dreams.
Thanks for this post - much "food for thought"! xx
Fantastic post, Phil! Sadly, I think I'd owe 2005 me an apology!
ReplyDeleteI would say, Hey Laura, you know what, you don't have to be a size 16 for ever! In 5 years time you will be a size 8, and you will be doing something you never thought was possible, running for fun and loving it :)
ReplyDeleteA wonderful piece of writing Phil. Love it!
ReplyDeleteThat's amazing. Can't believe it's five years ago, when I first 'met' you. So so pleased for you and how you've turned your life around. You should be very very proud of yourself. You deserve all these wonderful things in your life.
ReplyDeleteThe last line really speaks to be, more than I want to admit. So much has changed for me, but I know my real life is still out there, I really do. x
ReplyDeletei met the 2006 you, I remember shopping with the 2006 you and you buying a sz 8 skirt and a sz 10 bikini. It was hard to believe the girl I I met had once been carrying 30 odd extra kg.
ReplyDeleteThe girl I met went for runs in the morning, and made pancakes with low fat yoghurt, she made healthy choices like making our own dinner when holidaying in hanmer. But she still knew how to have fun, like drinking jellytip shooters and bellini's and enjoying the chocolate flavours she couldn't get back in melbourne.
You're right, one year made made such a difference to 2005 phil.
I'm not sure if 2006 phil knows just how inspiring she was to me, but she really was. That although we don't talk much, that she still means so much to me
and that I'm so glad the she starting blogging again in 2009.
If I was to make a call to the 2005 me, I would tell me that there was a way out of the hellish relationship i was in, that I would meet a wonderful man (well, boy!) and in 2010 be planning our wedding. That while I haven't bet the weight loss demons, that I'm getting on top of them and that i'm on the downward spiral and that I am worth a wonderful job and not having a masters and not being a man doesn't stop me from getting a fantastic job!
I would tell her that theres a whole world out there and in 2 years time, she would have travelled a whole lot of it.
And i would tell her that she doesn't have to be skinny to get out there and do things, that the moment she drops the excess baggage in the form of her ex, that she will start loving herself a lot more!
Wow, that came out way longer and way mushier than it was meant to :P
x
That was brilliant Phil. So well written and certainly an inspiration in so many ways. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteoh i LOVE IT!!!!!! x
ReplyDeleteBravo, Phil! (This post gave me goosebumps).
ReplyDeleteWhat would I say to the 2005 me? Hmmm ... be prepared to encounter unfairness and bitter disappointment. Stand firm. Figure out what's true; remember what's right. Understand that, sometimes, less really is more.
And, whatever you do, be sure to pack your chloroquine when you go to Victoria for Christmas with the extended family. (Otherwise you'll spend Christmas in bed, wretchedly ill with a recurrence of malaria).
Ha, I think I had it more together in 2005 than now! I really can't remember unless I went back and read my blog... how bad is that!
ReplyDeleteDo you think your old self would have been happy to hear that or do you think you'd have been overwhelmed? I think it's easier to tell someone, even yourself, to take babysteps. It's hard to visualise the whole road!
Awesome post Phil. Awesome. Awesome. AWESOME!!
ReplyDeleteLil x
Thank you everyone for your lovely, thoughtful comments. It's funny how just having salad for dinner inspired these reflections! :D
ReplyDeleteKatieP, thank you! ♥
Shona, Koko Black coming into my life was definitely a good thing too :D
Diana, I agree, it is hard to look back on our younger selves and see where we could have been kinder, less critical, and how things might have been different if we had been. All we have is NOW though, and we can use what we've learned from our mistakes to ensure a fully-lived and happy life in the present.
Kindaabsolutist, thank you. It is true, there are lots of blocks in the way towards the life of our dreams - indeed there still are for me, to a certain extent. I think the difference between the 2005 me and me now is that I know that a stumbling block does not mean the end of the road - or that this is just the way life is and I should just accept it. I hate to think where I'd be right now if I'd let the blockages get in the way. Follow your heart and your dreams always - nothing is ever too hard, nothing is ever undoable or unfixable.
Kate, I think we all owe our past selves an apology, to a certain extent. I am so inspired by people I've met through blogging who are ending their destructive cycles and working on treating themselves with love and kindness, and nourishing themselves. It's such a better way to be.
Laura, yes, I think a phone call to the 2005 Laura would be very interesting too! You've come SUCH a long way girlie! So proud of you!
Leanne, thank you very much!
Jenny, thank you for your lovely comment. I think one of the keys to making lasting change in your life is accepting that, well, you DO deserve it. You deserve to be living a happy and healthy life. You do deserve to follow your dreams. You are worthy of the effort! It's hard for that to sink in when you aren't used to putting your own needs first, or thinking well of yourself, but it's funny how things kind of "snap" when you're ready for that leap.
Lucinda, I know it is too. It's only just beginning for you!! :D xx
KT, darling girl, that time with you in NZ was one of the best times of my life. I think you have come a very long way since then. Who'd have thought we'd both be getting married three years on?! And yes, we need to talk more often :D xx
Anonymous, thank you :)
Watching and Weighting, ta very much! ;) xx
Sam, ooh Christmas 2005 wasn't much fun then by the sounds of it?! Poor you! But it sounds like you learned a lot that year too, and have grown wiser for it. xx
Kathryn, it's funny, I just think the 2005 me would never have forseen the changes that have come about. She just thought she'd made her bed and had to lie on it. I think my old self would have been happy to hear things would be different 5 years down the track, but she wouldn't have liked hearing that some things from the old life wouldn't survive the journey to the new one (probably because she suspected that would be the case and was scared). So in that sense yes, it would have been overwhelming to hear. Babysteps are good :D
ReplyDeleteDo you think it would be interesting for us to write a letter to the 2015 us?! Where do you think we'll be? What do you hope for? This might be my next post....
Lil thank you! ♥
What a lovely post! Your wonderful Phil, all the best.
ReplyDeleteAww!! Hugs :) xx
ReplyDeletePhil, that post was about the most inspiring posts I've read in ages!
ReplyDeleteYou sure have lots of guts, (OK, wrong word, maybe DRIVE is better cause I sure envy your waistline)!!!
What you have achieved is certainly awesome!
Feb 2005 Pip:
Had just arrived in country Western Australia working at a pub. I was learning heaps of new skills then, - my longer term goal then was to get a full time job in an Australian coastal city.
Feb 2010 Pip to 2005 Pip:
In 18 months time, you will leave, you will head to Perth and get a full time job within a week and build a busy life.............eventually will run herself into getting a BF.
'IDEAL' Feb 2015 Pip to Feb 2010 Pip:
The constant losing and gaining kilos/being on track/off track will be a thing of the past. You will reach your goal weight and then some by your 30th B-Day in July 2010 and then your weight won't fluctuate by more than 5kg max and you will concentrate your wardrobe on size 10s and 12s. You will reach some 'never done yet' training targets and enjoy participating in many 'sprint' distance triathlons. In debt/pay off/save $800, more debt cycle will be thing of the past. Sticking to a budget and organisation will become your fortae! You will be fit, healthy and happy with how you go about things!
Pip :-)
Hi there! I have been reading your blog for several years now and this is the first time I have commented. I just want to say it's been such a pleasure reading about your journey and success. It really is inspiring and it gives me a lot of strength. I have just taken a big leap myself and moved from Australia to Bristol in the UK. It's very exciting and something I have always dreamed of - living in a new country, my dream job and all of the opportunities to travel that the UK affords. But, it also has been really, really tough. Leaving my friends, family, boyfriend and home comforts behind. I've only been here two months and am only just starting to find my feet. So, it's been so nice to read about your success and how much you love your new life in the UK! I wish you all the best, and in particular great success with your upcoming wedding and writing (I write alot in my job, as a health psychology researcher, and know the trials and tribulations of trying to stay motivated to write and write consistently). Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your challenges and achievements xx
ReplyDeleteYou are all making me smile with your lovely comments today!
ReplyDeletePip, thank you! And I like your 2015 message! Isn't it great to visualise where we want to be, and work out what we need to do to make it happen. I have no doubt you will, you're one determined girl. :)
Phillippa, thank you for leaving such a lovely comment, and I hope you will again :) How wonderful that you've embarked on your own adventure. It does take a lot of courage to do it, and it's very hard being away from family and friends sometimes, but the rewards are immeasurable! You will grow so much! And it's only been a few months...you'll find the next few will be even more amazing and filled with adventures and challenges. Take it all in! It took me a while to find my feet too, but once I did - well, the rest is history! Email me if you want to ask anything, I'm very happy to help.
And you both have a very cool name by the way :D xx
Loved this post. I think my message to my 2005 self would be "Hang in there. Life will get better. And you'll find love where right now you least expect it..."
ReplyDeleteLove it Phil :) I think 2005 Emma was a pretty serious workaholic who didn't realise what joy she could find outside work! I still enjoyed the company of others and my music but didn't know just what would be waiting for me when I had my beautiful children :-) 2005 Emma was probably about 10kg heavier than 2010 Emma too, even though 2010 Emma has had 2 babies... working on it working on it :D
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing related to my weight at this present moment is not to project my own food and body hang-ups onto my beautiful, perfect daughter!
actually, let me correct... 2005 Emma was probably about 20kg heavier than 2010 Emma... so far!
ReplyDeleteThis is a really thought provoking post Phil. A great read as always. ;o)
ReplyDeleteHey you'd never guess what just opened up at vic markets? Koko Black. They have a small stall there selling their products. That place still reminds me of you every time I visit which thankfully isn't too often. LOL!!
xxx
Hi Phil - I met you in Auckland and a blogger get-together a few years back. I am so happy that your life is so good and that your weight is on track. I just read the "how you did it" part and I loved that you considered this a total life change not a diet.
ReplyDeleteOh and I LOVED the phone call to yourself back when. I was over in London last year and I can understand why you are enjoying yourself so much there! Can you tell us a bit more about the man in your life or have I just not read enough of your blog?
I had tears in my eyes reading this. It has been such a journey and such a privilege to follow a large part of it through a personal connection.
ReplyDeleteAt this point, my own message to the me of 2005 isn't very clear - it is a period of transition, and who knows where it will take me. But back then, I didn't know the extent of courage I'd find in myself and that I could dream - and believe that dreams could come true.
Thank you Phil. It's a good reminder of how far we've all come and that universe works in mysterious ways, slowly steering us towards the paths we need to be on. And when we're ready, we take that first step...
:)
SoupDragon - thank you for your comment, I tried to leave you one but couldn't see anywhere to leave one..? It's funny how you find love when you least expect it, or stop looking in my case!
ReplyDeleteEmma, I think your daughter will have an incredible healthy attitude, because she is being raised so well and nurtured by such a caring mother :) xx
Lia - I miss the Vic markets! Can you believe I didn't go to Koko Black the last time I was in Melbourne...what was I thinking?! xx
Lynda - I remember you very well :) Thank you for your lovely comment. I think I will write a little post about how Tom and I met - I haven't talked much about him here, and it's a very sweet story! Stay tuned!
IncaMaia - it is amazing how much courage we actually do have, and we only find it when we start using it :) I really do believe that what is meant for us will not pass us by, and that when we truly are on our path, the doors will open! It has been a privilege to be a part of your journey too. xx
ReplyDeleteTurns out I had comments disabled... thanks for the heads-up!
ReplyDeletethat salad looks amazing!!! can you post the recipe? does it have a dressing of some sort?
ReplyDeleteThat was a wonderful post & a good summary of how far you have come from when I first discovered your Skinny Latte blog.
ReplyDeleteYou have worked really hard at making the life you want & deserve & 2005 Phil should be very very proud of how far she has come in a few short years.
It has been a privilege to follow you on this journey & you are an inspiration to many of us.
Thank you.
Wow, 2005...
ReplyDeleteI would tell Me to get the hell away from Jade, she is manipulative, self-obsessed, and just Bad News (doesn't matter if you love, she will break you). I would tell Me that I am not stupid, inept, clumsy or useless, and that supervisor that tells Me so is a big bully. I would tell Me to tell Betty to speak to our boss, even if I can't, to explain what's going on now, not in a year when it'll all come to a head and I'll want to die.
I loathed myself and my life in 2005. It was not a good year. :(
No worries SoupDragon! :)
ReplyDeleteShazam, I didn't have a recipe as such. But here's what I recall I did....
ReplyDelete1 small butternut pumpkin, cut into cubes and tossed in homemade chilli jam, baked in a hot oven until golden brown
Then toss with rocket, sprouts, kalamata olives, avocado, and toasted pinenuts.
I think there was a bit of lemon juice, salt, pepper and maybe 1/2 teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil as dressing.
Very simple but so delicious.
Ordinarily I would add goats cheese as well, but I was trying to go dairy free that week :D
Tracy, it is a privilege to share myself with such lovely people as yourself! I hope that by hearing my story people know that it is never hopeless, for anyone - we all really can have the life we've always wanted.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I am very hard on myself and tell myself I haven't done enough, achieved enough, etc. but taking time to reflect on how very different my life was five years ago has made me feel pretty good! Yes, I might not be 100% where I want to be but I'm getting there! And it's been great to have you all along for the ride :) xx
Sarah, I think we all have years like that, where we look back and can't believe how we allowed ourselves to be treated, often by people who supposedly cared about us. I really hope things have turned around for you now and you've moved on from that time. :)
ReplyDeleteAmazing and inspiring post as always Phil.
ReplyDeleteLorraine xox
Phil,
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Really made me think about the past and future. For me it's not the 2005 Dani, but the 2003 Dani I would be speaking to (7 year cycles seem to work for me).
I would tell myself the following things:
- Be true to yourself and make sure your partner knows how important a child is to your future (18 MONTH OLD SON!!)
- Do that postgraduate course, it will help to ease the past deamons of university (DONE)
- Putting roots down in sydney will be good, look to buy that place (BOUGHT, LIVED IN AND SOLD FOR PROFIT)
- keep those friends close and give those people time to figure out if they be friends with you (DONE)
- Look after your body and cherish it (STILL WORKING ON THAT ONE!)
I am about to enter another phase as we move to Perth to be close to my family. Having a son has made me realise that family is all important.
Dani
Thanks Lorraine! xx
ReplyDeleteDani, it sounds like you've accomplished a great deal over the last seven years! I hope the next phase of your life will be just as fulfilling.
ReplyDeleteWriting this post has also made me think about the future too - what do I want 2015 Phil to be able to say to 2010 Phil....Tom and I are hoping to start a family soon after we're married so I think my life is going to be very different by 2015! Next post, I think :D
Everyone, I have been really touched by all the responses to this post - thank you!
Phil, I am so proud of you,
ReplyDeleteClaire
Thanks Claire :)
ReplyDeleteOh Phil, I remember the 2005 Phil well. I'm glad you do as well. You are like this incredible flower who just keeps blooming. You are, and continue to be, an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteTake care
Julie
xxx
Thanks for your sweet comment Julie! :) x
ReplyDeleteI love, love, love this post.
ReplyDeleteI remember the 2005 Phil, when you first started blogging. And to see how far you have come over the last 5 years...it is truly inspirational.
I am currently where your 2005 Phil was and this post has made me think of what the 2015 me will be doing and how my life will be. Now is the time to make the changes to ensure I will be where I want to be in 5 years.
Thanks for your comment Kimberley :) It's amazing how quickly that time has gone...and yet it feels like 100 years ago now.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I read in the early days, when I was down about how much weight I had to lose, was that one should never put off chasing a dream because of the time it would take to achieve it, because the time is going to pass anyway. If it takes two years (or whatever), then that's the way it is - but at least then you're where you want to be by then, not wishing you had started years ago.
I really do hate to think where I'd be right now if I hadn't started.
I think I'm going to issue a challenge to everyone - write a letter to 2015 you! Write what you hope for, what you want to have achieved, where you see yourself. I'm working on mine and will share soon :) x
Dearest, beautiful Phil, this post made me cry. I am so proud of you. You are such an amazing woman and have inspired so many more, including me. I feel so honoured to have met you and have you in my life....no matter how random and hopeless I am with keeping in touch LOL :-) x
ReplyDeleteWow! What a fantastic post! I wonder what 2015 me will call with!
ReplyDeleteI am SO making that salad this week! :)
ReplyDeleteI really love this post!!
ReplyDeleteI will probably tell my 2005 me that I should learn to relax and enjoy my teenhood because it's going to be over so soon.
Mary, what can I say that hasn't already been said...you're amazing girl :) xx
ReplyDeleteFitnessbandit, I'm thinking about that too! Thank you for your comment :)
ReplyDeleteShazam, you so should!
ReplyDeleteBowsnhearts, so true. I'd tell the 1997 me that if I could! However, I am much happier now than I was as a teenager, so I'd like to think it's all balanced out. ♥
Thanks so much Phil - you have a lovely way about you. I felt that I was listening in on your call - it was fantastic - keep up the good work, Philxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Greenmaz! :) x
ReplyDeletethis is a fantastic post Phil, I love it. xo
ReplyDeleteWow - great post (a bit late but just catching up)
ReplyDeleteto the 2005 me I'd say "get your act together. It's not that hard just take a step and get going" which I did and it worked! I did a triathlon and I lost weight.
to the 1995 me - much more significantly - I'd say "don't worry the first step is the hardest and most exciting and you'll find soon enough that you made the right choice".
I think that we know that we have started living the life we were meant to when time becomes fleeting, less relevant to our choices. We don't wish the days away we live them.
I can hardly believe that it 15 years this year that I walked away and started again. It's flown and I'm still smiling. I'm sure you will be too in another 10 years.
Thanks Green Mama!
ReplyDeleteNicole, I think you hit the nail on the head - "we don't wish the days away, we live them" :)
This is so very wonderful. Can't wait to share those flapjacks...
ReplyDeleteMe too :) x
ReplyDeleteBest. Post. Ever. I am starting Michelle Bridges 12wbt program on Monday. I'm already imagining the phone call I'll be having with myself at the end of it. "Hello Shelley? This is the eight kilos you left behind a couple of months ago. Are you coming back to collect it anytime soon?" *click* (always wanted to hang up on somebody) xx
ReplyDelete