the grumpy run

Just for a bit of fun, I have kind of logged my brain's activity as I did a run last night and then came home! It was amazing how the thoughts turned around halfway through. Hopefully you guys will get a laugh if nothing else - but I do have my grumpy days and I don't mind sharing that every now and then :)

But it's true. A run does cure everything (well, most things!)

Images in this post courtesy of the super cool Food Tees.
6.20pm.
Haven't done a run for two weeks. Need to get back on the horse.
Grumble, grumble.
Just go, you need to get this run out of the way, it will be awful but at least you'll have done it and be on the straight and narrow again.
Your jeans are tight.
Your arms look a bit...doughy!
Oh shut up brain!
Grumble, grumble.
Where's my sports bra?
Toilet.
Ipod. For fucks sake, my shuffle is out of battery! Have to take the nano instead.
Grumble, grumble.
Gulp half a bottle of Lucozade Sport Light. It's really nice!
Whine! I've just walked 3 miles home - and I walked this morning! Why do I have to go for a run?
Because I said so.
Keys, sunnies, nano.
Pin bit of unruly fringe back with bobby pin, I know it will give me the shits later if I don't.
Stupid hair. Stupid everything.
Lock door.
Fiddle with earphones. Not working. I need to hold the nano in one hand and keys in the other.
Grumble, grumble.
At least it's sunny. I haven't just worn a tank top running since....last September?!
Right, off I go.
I feel ok, legs aren't seizing, breathing is good, knee is behaving itself.
This is good.
Pull tank top down.
♫ You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious! (Avril Lavigne song playing)
Pull tank top down.
♫ I think about you all the time, you're so addictive
Pull tank top down.
♫ She's like so whatever!
Right, this is getting old, tank top.
Feel like crying.
My tank top has shrunk! Or I've got fat. Yes, that's probably it.
I can't believe this!
I've only had two weeks off!
And I behaved while I was in Scotland! I had salad! I had alcohol free days! I passed on dessert...once!
How, HOW can I be huge again?! How did I lose my runners body so quickly?!
This bloody tank top fit perfectly at the 10k two weeks ago!!
Or maybe it did ride up but I didn't notice.
Oh I hate this.
Tummy mushrooming out on all sides. Tank top keeps sliding up.
Feel like an elephant.
See other people running. No one else seems to have a wardrobe malfunction.
GRRR!
Now on the main road and in full view of peak hour traffic. Great. Fucking great. The whole of south west London is going to see my love handles.
Keep running. The run ironically is very strong. Good pace. If only this fucking tank top would just stay in place!
AAARGH!!
I am the most ungraceful person on the face of the earth.
Maybe if I keep my moves smaller it won't move around as much.
Shuffle, shuffle.
No good, it rides up again.
My tummy bulges out again.
►Beep beep!◄
A bus driver (with an empty bus) has just beeped at me.
Oh for god's sake! I'm a lard bucket, why would you beep at me?!
Look down and can see my legs need shaving. A month ago.
Great. I'm really letting myself go!
At this rate there'll be Tom and a Girl Hobbit in the wedding photos.
Pick up the pace again as I approach the incline and get to the bridge.
Kids on bikes, get out of my way.
Grumble. Grumble.
Run down the cobblestone path along the river.
Breathe.
The sun is beautiful. It's wonderful to feel the warmth and the breeze on my skin after so many months of layering.
Breathe deeply.
The run, surprisingly, is going ok. I think I'm going to do my "long" run, down to the garden near Earl's Court, and back. Even if I have to throw this tank top off and run with all the flab swinging from side to side.
No, I'd never do that.
♫ Waiting for your call baby night and day, I'm fed up
Yes, Madonna, I'm fed up too.
The tank top is being a real bitch now.
Really concentrating on sucking the stomach in, hoping that that will help.
It doesn't.
Why didn't I just wear my I ♥ NY tshirt?!
Stop briefly at traffic lights.
Am happy when they change and I can run again. The run is actually going really well.
Maybe I should think about that?
I feel very strong. My fitness, at least, doesn't appear to have deserted me.
Don't think about the tank top.
Don't think about the tank top.
Looking at the beautiful river and the bridges, the buildings sparkling in the late evening sunshine. I can feel sweat running down my face and arms.
An ambulance siren.
♫ Take me.....to the......hospital
Watch other runners go past me, wondering how they all got so fit.
I've been running for three years! I don't ever seem to get faster!
Tummy pops out again.
Pull the top down, grit teeth.
Finally seem to be getting nearer to the gardens, where I'll do my tricep dips and pushups and then run back.
Check watch. I've been going for 25 minutes.
►Wolf whistle◄
A group of people with beers in their hands across the street are glancing over and grinning, just as the tummy pops out again.
Oh god, could this run get any more humiliating.
I just want to be left alone.
Alone with my enormous dough girl tummy.
I take this as the cue to run a bit faster.
Choof, choof, choof.
Finally make it to the garden. I haven't seen it for a while. It's ablaze with tulips.
Have a long drink of water and then find my bench. It is my bench the way some people have their bike in the spin class. I always do my tricep dips on it.
Manage 60. It canes.
Think about doing pushups, but see flakes of broken glass in the cobblestones and decide my living room rug will be a safer option.
Prepare myself for the run home.
Let's see if this tank top can be tamed. Bloody rebel that it is.
My Sweaty Betty capris have fallen down a little and are sitting on my hips. They usually sit a bit higher, so I pull them up.
The tank top then sits over them.
Run up and down for a few paces, just to check. It stays.
It's like I've lost 20kg in 10 seconds.
Maybe this was the problem? No other fabric to grip on to?
Certainly feel more comfortable. And my abs are aching with the effort of holding them in the whole way here!
Say hello to the gardener and tell him how nice the garden looks.
He looks really chuffed. I smile.

Start running. Tank top is staying put. Alleluia.
Keep running. Tank top is still staying put.
♫ Days keep getting better, nights keep getting better!
The run is still strong, but the legs are getting sore.
Come on, you can do this.
Keep running until you hit Battersea. If you want to stop then, you can.
Dig deep.
Nice things. The wedding. The dress. Must ask Mum if she'll bring over the combs Claire wore. How am I going to have my hair?
Nice things. Paris. Going there for my birthday. Mmm. Cheese. Croissants!
Nice things. Another half marathon, when my parents come over so they can watch me.
I've made it to Battersea.
But I want to keep going. I knew I would.
Tank top is staying put!
Maybe I'm not a lard bucket dough girl after all!
Happy. Sore. Keep going. Not long to home now.
I am so strong.
I am so happy.
Watch the river. Wonder what lies beneath it. I lost a ring in the ocean once.
The sun is still glorious. The promise of summer. I love not having to run in the dark.
Turn down the street that leads to my street.
I love this bit!
Have come to the end of my running playlist and need to find a track with more oomph. Kylie is a bit slow, she's usually my tricep dip track!
Ah, Sneaky. You'll do.
Oh, the exhiliration of knowing home is near.
Finally up my street. Dodge a council concrete truck.
Run, run, run.
The musical gate tells Tom I'm home. (the gate makes this gorgeous squeak when it opens - and it's very loud, so you know when someone is coming down the steps)
Calf stretches on the steps.
Hugs from my man. He doesn't care I'm sweaty!
20 "man" pushups on the rug. Whimper a bit from 12 onwards. Youchie.
The rest of my Lucozade Sport Light. I really like the berry flavour. Feel some electrolytes dancing in the bloodstream.
Then a shower.
Oh, shower. This is the best kind of shower ever. I stay in there for ages and sing old show tunes. Tom comes in and laughs at me.
In PJs. Cook a delicious veggie stirfry, with wholemeal couscous.
Mmm. Now I'm just......