Charlotte Wood is a wonderful Australian writer and I found this little gem in the transcript of a speech she gave a few weeks ago. It really got me thinking. I think it applies not just to confidence in writing or in your career, but to life in general.
Confidence can be a tricky old thing. I don't know about you guys but the way I keep my confidence high is by setting goals and achieving them. It's why I like running so much!! But there is a danger in this, isn't there? The desire to achieve, achieve, achieve; to keep proving yourself all the time. The key, I've found, is being confident in myself no matter what. I have to be happy with myself and confident that I'm ok even if no one is coming up to tell me so, or whether I'm training for a marathon or not. It's easier said than done though, I have to say!
The life I have chosen, and the life I have lived full time this year, is a life where I constantly have to battle with the voice, and occasionally a bit of evidence, that says I'm not good enough. But it comes back to what my mate Nigel said in this podcast - when we're externally motivated and allow the opinions of others to be paramount in our wellbeing, then our confidence will still be shaky and short lived, no matter what we achieve. If we are internally motivated, and create change from the inside, it's more likely to be permanent.
We all like to feel like we're going somewhere in life but awards, accolades and highs that come from achieving things will only take us so far. It's great to have things to aim for but we have to be happy with ourselves, right here, right now, no matter how far we might have to travel to get to where we want to be. The confidence you get from achieving goals and getting validation from your peers or your industry will go a long way, but the confidence to get started in the first place, and to keep going when the going gets tough, has to come from somewhere else - you. And only you can decide to kick that into gear!
What are your confidence tips?
So true. Running is the perfect example - you can get so goal driven and it's easy to get a boost from ticking off boxes but if you get derailed, injured etc it's easy to beat yourself up for it and the confidence goes AWOL.
ReplyDeleteOf course, a bit of a knock to the confidence every now and then isn't a bad thing. A slow run or a rejection letter or some other setback can be the kick in the pants we need some times :)
I agree, a reality check or setback is sometimes a good thing because it makes you more determined :)
DeleteEveryone can feel confident when things are going well.
ReplyDeleteA more robust sense of confidence comes with learning to weather the bad times, with the general underlying sense that things will eventually get better.
Also, to come out of those bad times a little bit stronger and wiser.
It is not even getting through the bad times with flying colours, just knowing you can get up every time you fall down.
That, to me, is real confidence, and nobody can take it away.
Surviving hard times and being able to pick yourself up when you stumble does give you a different kind of confidence, I agree. It also gives you a whole new perspective on things and experiences you might have shied away from once upon a time because you start thinking "well, I got through X, why would this be hard?" :) I must remember that.
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